my brother just killed himself my brother just killed himself

Know that you will never be the same againand that you can survive and even go beyond surviving. He was slamming it down and pulling the trigger. My husband and I were married 66 years. All the best to you and your children. Eventually she put her teacup back on its saucer and, staring at the untouched liquid in it, said, This is your fault. Ashlyn October 9, 2017 at 12:00 am Reply, I just came across this still trying to come to terms with the loss of my father in June. The dead body of the man I had loved every day of my life since I was 20 years old. I had a tremendous amount of faith in his abilities, in his determination. Or maybe if I had never entered his life, he would still be here. Reading this is so surreal and mind blowing that I just feel deep deep sadness that will last forever. You may want to scream and shout. Its the strangest feeling of permanence, knowing someone is permanently gone when you JUST SAW them and in your mind you can still see them, as they were alive. Oswald julmi April 13, 2019 at 5:33 am Reply. But still. Has anyone ever connected with someone, so close.. that it made your insides feel like they are twisting? the questions came faster than I could process. I since have made a better life for myself, but only because I work for his father who is very successful in business. Since his suicide I havent found anyone who I can relate to, this is a level of loneliness that I have nothing to compare to. It took an hour for the police and fire dept to get there, and I could not believe that our love had come to this. She didnt know what happened until she ran to him. My dads side of the family stopped talking to my mom, my brother and I. Thats how we learn thats how we grow. Gail Julmi April 13, 2019 at 6:04 am Reply. you cant deny that. Madison Burns January 6, 2019 at 11:54 pm Reply, My friend killed himself on 01/19/18 so nearly a year ago his family never revealed how, all the people in my grade blame themselves because we were supposed to be his friends his school family that he could turn to if he needed help I found out 2 days later On my 13th birthday and some nights it just hits so hard that hes gone, then I lost my step dad not even 8 months later some days I dont even wanna get out of bed because it hurts to much that hes gone, I dont talk as much as I used to whens hes here I miss him so much, Megan January 8, 2019 at 11:00 pm Reply. Ill carry this weight for the rest of my days. I feel immense anger and I know I am not the same person, how could I be. I understand why people kill themselves. Amelia shongwe November 5, 2019 at 9:07 am Reply. To me, he was a lot like your friend- an older brother, a very young man who brought light into this world. I just wish she could have talked to me. if only, i had pushed harder to get more tests done on his brain. One of my close friends became sucidal after that, he gave a real life perspective on what she went through. This kind of death creates an incredibly painful and complicated grief to endure. My only conclusion was that he was no longer himself when he did this. He was depressed for the past few years but we never realized how depressed he was. I dont know what else to do. I know I couldnt be there all of the time, and I know Erin would have eventually done herself in she genuinely didnt want help or want to get better. Every time I make up my mind that this is what I must do, my misery always gets the best of me. this is my double edged sword, my catch 22: end myself to end my suffering/end myself to rid the guilt for deceiving this amazing person/rid myself because there lies no hope of my head getting better. She dropped hints that she needed more help, but nobody really gave it to her. My mother killed herself after numerous attempts 5 years ago. I go to therapy. He didnt see how loved and appreciated he truly was. For me, serving others in need helps ease my pain. I am in this website because I need to know what I can cause if that happens. I lost my 20 year old daughter on Mothers Day of this year after she intentionally overdosed on her anti depressants and anti anxiety medication. I still have not accepted the fact that I will never physically see him again. I'll skip all that stuff though. I will always miss him. I just needed to get it off my chest. The loss is so great it hurts so bad. He felt his life was falling apart and it was for the moment because of the separation and ongoing divorce, custody battle. Kim Patterson February 14, 2019 at 12:12 pm Reply. The older Swiss are a very proud people who, I believe, live all lot in denial. Be kind to everyone, even if they seem happy, because you never know what a person is going thru behind closed doors. my brother 26 years hung himself on 5th may 2021. i left for an interview with my mother and left him alone for 2 hours max i came back home called him out was looking for him couldnt feel him in his room. My thoughts are with you. Or so violent the investigation of the scene from detectives was being treated as homicide. Despite getting some closure from his mother on what happened, I still feel responsible, yet helpless, for everything up to the point. If he were here right now (he didnt leave a note, just 2 decades of predictive clues), I think hed say he did it for me. If a person interprets their symptoms as dangerous, threatening, or indicative of a larger mental or physical problem, they are more likely to fear their reactions. Kareem Nikoui, getting blown up in Afghanistan. It is devastating, but it means that people often do things that they would never do otherwise. And his wife ended up pregnant 3 mos after he died (not his child). I feel like everyone else has just moved on and its hard to relate with them. Most times when im ok is when I think hes still alive and I just wont ever see him. The last 6 weeks of his life, I havent spoken to him. I feel your pain. From the moment New Year's Eve is here, I know I will have to face the torment of January. I feel like I now have a huge hole in my heart and no body to turn to because she always made things better. Hoping this is not inappropriate. No one understand what a hole I have in my heart. But, its a tar pit trap. Her next attempt was slitting her wrists in the bathtub her mother and father found her,she back to the same institution for a few weeks more therapy and a change in medication. I tell myself I know theyll hate me, but that hate is necessary to get through. Im angry that no one took him to a hospital in all these years (although for all I know they tried). Life is too beautiful and precious, not to seek help. Now I have an 11 week old son. * After an argument . we buried her today. He told all the family he loved them by video weeks before. On March 13, 2018 my brother shot himself. He just refused any help. I was with him every day for the past year working with him and he thought me everything I know. Truth is i took my brother for granted bc of precieved squabbles or issues or simple different opinions or character traits. Maybe your relationship with your dad is strained, but that doesnt mean your feelings toward him are lacking relationships are always complicated, and its okay to be angry or spiteful toward him; its okay to still be upset that he is sick while still being angry and distant; its okay to not be all too bummed out about it, too. He was constantly in pain, both physical and emotional. He paid me alimony uninterrupted until about 8 months ago when he started being late or missing payments. I loved my son with all my heart. Cheryl Platzman Weinstock. Please be gentle with yourself. I just miss my brother. His father, a pastor who was very loving, kind, and compassionate, was a rock to David. She was a gentle soul. She never really confided in anyone that much. Our son was just 5 weeks old. She was just so beautiful inside and out that I couldnt imagine her dying when I was looking at her. I requested the 911 call and she knew. Chuck was also a man not used to losing, and when Jimmy managed to not only beat Chuck . She called my daughter and told her to google his name and she too found his obituary. Life doesnt seem worth living with her standing on my throat. It is also okay not to feel angry. He is apart of me. I cant make it right ever. Isabelle Siegel February 17, 2021 at 1:10 pm Reply, Johnny, Im so very sorry for your loss and for all of the pain youve been forced to endure. Everyday is a roller coaster. One breath at a time is how you get through it. Accept how youre feeling, deal with it head on, and take however much time you need. a part of me is glad that he is no longer suffering but i feel like his anxiety and depression have been transferred to me. I cant tell you what this has done to my life for almost 20 years. I read somewhere that children of parents who commit suicide are 50/50 in following in their footsteps. The grief comes without warning and I break down. The cops then said he was going to be arrested. Do your best not to succumb to the urge to numb too muchit only prolongs the acute agony and can lead to addictions that simply compound the pain. In the 5 years he was treated by the mental health people at the VA. Ever since that day I dream I hug him and I tell him I miss him. Wow I cant believe so much people are going through what I am going through. So while you can in fact do it right now if you can. It is also hard for me to understand that I was not enough to have saved him. I was mostly hands-off as he was living at home, going to school and working. My family barely speaks of the event and the lack of support from friends really surprised me. Turn it into something positive, and a way to help yourself and others heal, and share the good times, memories etc with each other. I want give you my contact info some how if you ever need to reach out to anyone and have them listen. The few friends I have dont know what to say or think I should be over it by now. I am 37. My dad hasnt been himself for years, and I guess I do feel a bit of a relief knowing that he is no longer suffering and that he can no longer hurt my mum. when I got to the top of the hill I could see all the cop cars in the driveway and didnt know what to think at that point but they pretty immediately showed me my nephew and that he was fine. My son passed away on the 16/11/2019 and he killed him self. He married a girl he was seeing for a very short time. ? my Mom screamed. You should find groups for help and its not that difficult to make friends whk would actually care about you. I had to tell my dad that his baby girl was gone. Im still learning a lot from this. I realize that he always loved me, and I always loved him. He did not want to listen at all. His so called friends mocked him when he did not drink calling him names, alcohol does not help Bipolar at all, they had seen it. I am harsh with idiots who say the wrong things I tell them to get lost, to leave me alone ! Each day is still such a struggle and I find myself no matter what Im doing always and constantly thinking about him. He made himself something to eat while I bathed our son. Isabelle Siegel February 17, 2021 at 12:25 pm Reply. but recently he really did. Life is a bit shittier without him, but I still genuinely laugh and smile everyday. my husband killed himself in front of me with a pistol to the head. So.we stopped asking much. I keep seeing that memory of her standing there saying hello to me as I came home from work. More than likely hush money to me. If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves. This book is the honest frank story of the first 4 years after my Son departed via suicide. Almost exactly 1 year ago , August 2nd,2017 he committed suicide. But often times good people still do bad things when substances are involved. We were depression buddies. I too lost my boyfriend (and best friend) to suicide.. 11 months ago. My younger brother hung himself May 28,2018. You may feel like you couldn't ever feel sadder than this. We all know now and I cant bare to go to his funeral, because I dont trust myself the not burst into tears and beg for forgiveness. IsabelleS October 31, 2020 at 1:15 pm Reply. I had talked to him the night before. He was from this area and had close friends he had grown up with and family, but I dont know any of them. She told people about her bad home life, and her depression. He felt so much pain, pain that I've endured. I love you. Then look to the left and you hear a pop and see a flash time just stops. Accept there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to deal with this. . Me too. My brother hung himself 2 years ago at age of 30 after developing skitzophrenea. It definitely helps to read posts and know that Im not alone in what Im experiencing. I regret that I am also in the same position and have been a long time but I have tried so many times I have lost count to get recovery, help and support to no avail!