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The next minute rump roast! No. Steve Urkel: How tough am I? I'm cooking breakfast. Steve Urkel: Can I have a glass of milk to go with my face? Cassie Lynn: But, it's a lie! Dad took Waldo instead of me. Then Urkel shows up with Eddie and Carl and the crowd cheers for him]. An illustration of a horizontal line over an up pointing arrow. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 24th, Raoul's houseoat is beautiful. Laura: That you'll never go into outer space again, Steve Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss [they passionately kiss]. I promised grandma I'd help her get ready. Bushwhacker Luke: 'Cause they couldn't catch her till then! [goes to the refrigerator] No root beer? Laura: Steve, did you eat that moldy cheese? Laura Lee Winslow: How fast are we going now? And believe you me, I know what being different is all about. Steven Quincy Urkel: Well, then where am I gonna sleep? 1 The Shrink Machine Was Made To Make The Winslows Plenty Of Money. Carl Otis Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Edward. Laura Lee Winslow: Grandma, you're not old. Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, who are all these kids? Let eserviate on the bright side. You are such a sweetheart. urkel-steve. Harriette Winslow: Carl, calm down, it's not the school's fault. Lt. Murtaugh: Yeah like that's gonna bring him back. Steve Urkel: I can't believe this! Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, I'm here for you, baby. And we practiced for six minutes! Maxine Johnson: It happens every year the day of the prom. Stefan Urquelle: Steve, what's up with your cousin? Laura Lee Winslow: Oh lord, you're gonna die. What did you do? Steve is embarrassed that he didn't walk out the door faster. Carl: I'll tell you what's sad Harriette, I've watched two full hours of the "Bridges Of Madison County" and Clint didn't blow up one bridge! Mucus comes in so many colors. Ken: [Grabbing Steve by the collar] THAT FEEB YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT WAS ME! [Greg leaves as Willie walks in with Waldo and the crowd boos him. I"m going to the mall to hand out gifts to orphans kids. Carl: Who are you and what have you done with our son? But I have feelings, too. Every time I'm around them, my mind goes blank. Steven Quincy Urkel: But I'm going the recommended cruising speed for this vehicle Any more could be risky. Steve Urkel: Oh, I am so glad you said that! Steve Urkel: You didn't even make it onto the chart! He's a lawyer! Rachel Crawford: Exactly what were Eddie's instructions? And if you call me names, do I not eat? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Yup. Steve Urkel: Oh, I'd better lock it then! You're always sorry. I don't know what to say. Steve Urkel: Uh-oh, Mr.Frostbite. Darnell Watkins: [about Carl] This guy's about invisible. [Runs with Steve to confront Waldo and Weasel], [Eddie tries to flirt with a cute girl, unaware that Carl is behind him]. One minute, "Moo!" Rachel Crawford: It's almost impossible to find a job these days. Your baby shoes, your grandmother's denchers, fish jam; and I didn't get a thing for you. Laura: You know, I just don't get why people are so afraid of our history. It's not funny, it's dangerous. My zipper." 5. Carl Otis Winslow: Well Harriette, what are those people teaching down at that school? [Steve has just fallen off the tree and onto the Coopers' pet Doberman, Damien. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [talking to Eddie] Man, they didn't even know who we were. Laura: This is just a model, right? How about the next round we switch colors? Self respect. [Carl steps in the chamber and Stefan starts it up]. So you have to make every minute count. Steve Urkel: Did I mention my dad knows Wayne Newton? Harriette Winslow: Now let me get this straight. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. ", Harriette Winslow: She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and she said "Why, Mom?". Dec 25, 2011 - Explore Nadia Hussein's board "Steve Urkel", followed by 259 people on Pinterest. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl and his father planned on doing a lot of things together, but they never got the chance. To be quite frank I was embarrassed and so were all the other customers. Remember you wished that Steve could find out what's it like to be you. Especially this one, since Urkel breaks the fourth wall at the end. In the latter half of Family Matters, Steve started staying with the Winslows as his parents didn't want him around. [Comes in the lving room with Mother Winslow as Eddie is taking his frustrations out on his sack of dirty laundry because Carl has just taken Waldo to the Chicago Bulls game instead of him]. no. I've had more food than this stuck in between my teeth. Carl Otis Winslow: After you left, I saw your boy Fresh Squeeze at the door. Urkel pronouns are the best. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 10, Went to the market. Eddie: I'm the one who's taking the test. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [told he can't go to the party] You mean I was nice for nothing? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How could you mess this up? Steven Quincy Urkel: Don't interrupt me! Laura Lee Winslow: [comes in with Mother Winslow's dress from the dry cleaners] Ugh mom, this place is really getting gross. Steve Urkel: Hey, you gotta get up if want to get dow oh [guests scream as Steve falls off the edge of the roof]. Eddie: [after he has heard her quickly renouncing her love for him] Myrtle, what's my life going to be like without you in it? Laura Lee Winslow: Steve, could you go a little faster? My, what strong arms. When I look in your eyes, I see a very kind soul. Carl's first word was Donut. Harriette Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Carl. Willie Fuffner: But he wasn't, so chill out ok. Laura Lee Winslow: You just don't get it, do you. Laura: Well, then not even in your dreams. You gotta fix that machineeeee. Everyone would think that Laura is in love with Steve Urkel and no one would vote for her. That wasn't a rock video. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Willie Makeit? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wrong, cummerbund breath. Waldo: [pause] Wow! Okay, first question. Harriette Winslow: For my birthday, you bought me an exercise trampoline. These kids are gonna ruin everything, they have to go. If you hit me, do I not sneeze? [He leaves and minutes later Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his accordion]. Carl: [after kicking Steve out of the house] And don't you ever come back! I mean, I'm a fast runner, Eddie, but sooner or later, you just gotta stop running. Cassie Lynn: Try me. 12. r/Unexpected. You mother once tried bean bags. Carl = Son, you have disobeyed me for a woman? I was just talking with your grandmother. Rachel Crawford: Right. He's having the same discussion with his father. You've got twenty-four hours to drop out of the race or we publish the picture. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Steve as Stefan] Steve? Laura Lee Winslow: Let's just take that risk. Harriette Winslow: Mr. Niedermeyer, the only thing that's gonna go by is you. If there was one thing I thought the show could have brushed up on, it would be the premise of the episodes. Carl Otis Winslow: 150 extra people on what should've been a small family affair. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Why are you upset, Waldo? "Take out the trash, Edward." Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: You all right, Mr.W, [he teaches Carl how to handshake in his neighborhood. Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, they applauded when we left. Laura: Steve, I can't talk now. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: It was Jan Matzeliger, in 1883. And the reason it hurts is because I've tried very hard to be your friend and all you've done is take advantage of me. Snap, Sidekick: [with the Serpents] All the doo-dah day. Steve Urkel: I can't! It better be a dead relative in your excuse. Third, if you touch me at any time, the "non-date" is over. Carl: You know, bowling was a great idea. Steve Urkel: Well, look at his poor, pathetic face. Rachel Crawford: It's okay, Steve. Can you help me out? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Uh, uh isn't this the Zorro audition? So, I figured if I doubled the temperature, I could cook it in half the time. Laura: Sure. Harriette: Soon, baby. Steve Urkel: I'll settle for a toenail clipping! I was in a high-speed car chase and ran out of gas. Waldo: Yeah, but I was so nervous when I asked her out that before she could answer, I barfed all over her shoes. Three times X equals six. Harriette Winslow: [retrieves a coupon from her purse] Ohhh no no no, Carl! Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: That's big talk coming from a guy in Italy. I'm finished with this witness, your honor! I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking! There's lots of reasons why I don't love you. I probably had the heater up on high and they wilted. Carl Otis Winslow: Better, I locked him up. Carl Otis Winslow: Thanks for the present son. Laura: Steve, I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd tutor Todd. Carl: I just had the worst day of my entire life. Eddie: No, Kyle's gone solo and Jerry went with him. Well, that's gonna stop right now! Carl Otis Winslow: That's right, that petition was a great idea. [reading] "Mongu! Waldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie? I mean, you are very Laura: Let's just put it this way You have the perfect face for your head. April 24th, Carl, I planted this fake diary because I knew you'd read it. Laura: Is it my imagination or is your voice lower? Steve Urkel: So, you used me! Ms. Steuben: Oh, good. Steve who? "I'm Asian, so I'll eat your cat." 2. Waldo Geraldo Faldo, Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cheating? Laura Lee Winslow: One of them is my best friend. Bushwhacker Luke: Me mother was arrested by cops last night! This means you guys have to go together. Harriette: Well, if he remembers you, he's used to you looking like a jerk. I'll teach that. Steve Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? He acts like a gangster, gangsters hate cops. Carl: Are you implying that you're not having a good time? Some of our pickup lines are real-life applicable. Harriette Winslow: Every time she stops, she starts all over again. Nick Neidermeyer: Do I have to remind you who you're talking to? CNN Actor Jaleel White is joining the growing list of celebrities who have launched a cannabis brand. Harriette: That won't get the stains out. Ms. Steuben: Steve, it's not a good sign when you have to give your bread a pep talk. What bright side, Weasel? Steve Urkel: To be quite honest, Fuffner; I'd written you off as being incorrigible. Carl: What? Suppose I made it happen. Harriette Winslow: Laura, you've had your head in those books all morning, got a big test coming up? Steve could've been killed. Oh my God! He's fanning his hace with a plate as Eddie walks in]. Steve Urkel: Ssssh, not while I'm pouring. Carl was his horse. Eddie: No, grandma. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What're you so happy about? Carl Otis Winslow: Hey sweetheart, how about some pie? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh well Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You mean to tell me that the Army screwed up the paper work again. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Eddo, Eddo, Eddo! Steve Urkel: I bought two tickets to a concert that Laura wants to go to and offered to take her as my, get this, date! But, if I'm not, the last two words you'll ever say will be, "A Choo.". Well, he got it trapped in the rear door of a Buick and was dragged eight and a half blocks. Harriette Winslow: You were gone for three hours. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Bye. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I'm flat broke, dad. Harriette Winslow: And you agree with me? The '90s series "Family Matters" may have been about the Chicago-based Winslow family, but the show's breakout character was actually Winslow neighbor Steve Urkel. I'm in this class. Jaleel White had a very busy handful of years in the '90s. Why, because of you, he's swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck. Carl: What are you talking about? Suppose I made it happen. Urkelbot: [Joe Friday Impression] Just the facts, ma'am. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It's a tradition in the Urkel family to not consummate the marriage for three months. I feel stupid! Boyd broke my glasses. I'm going home! Carl: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! [Pulls Steve to other side of room] Steven, last semester I specifically asked you what class you would not be taking this semster and you told me HOME EC! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wait just a minute here, Mr.McClure. I wanna take it home and read it to my mom. Harriette: [Reading] Swiss Family Robinson! Harriette Winslow: [to Rachel] Believe me! When I said my feelings for you might change, I was lying. "Clean up your room, Edward." Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: These last 2 weeks have been wonderful for me. Steve Urkel: Practice. Steve Urkel: Laura's got the highly infectious mucus-nasal-osis-inflamicus. You know, Harriette, It's the thought that counts. Because, I already told him I do remember him. Eddie: If I don't pull at least a C on my midterm exam, I'm gonna flunk Algebra. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You remember our flyer party, the one that I'm clearly on record as totally aganst. Now hit the sack. Steve Urkel: You know what, Laura? Ok, just give me a couple of days and I sould have it fixed. Isn't that sad? You have a lot of qualitites girls really go for. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh really, why wasn't I told? I got a nosebleed at birth. THIS? He's usually knee deep in dead mosquitoes. Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, that's right, how'd you know? Harriette Winslow: Why? Aunt Oona: The gas pipe broke when my living room flooded. Because check this out buddy, you're alone. Harriette Winslow: And you think I'm FAT? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Would you shut your filthy mouth! Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to a sorority girl] That dress is so tight! I just spend two hours talking a guy off a ledge, then found out he was a window washer. Laura Lee Winslow: If you have to ask, pass. When are you going to the store? Harriette: I don't know. It was my nickname in preschool! "You're like Pringles; once I pop you, I can't stop you." 6. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, cool. I wouldn't know what to charge. Steve Urkel: Yeah, and then if you sneeze why, your entire head explodes like a cherry bomb in a cantaloupe. You're my friend. Steve Urkel: [about the music video] This is going to be the biggest bomb since Howard the Duck. Steve Urkel: I can't help it, Laura. Harriette Winslow: Carl, I'm up in Laura's room and she looks at me, and she asks 'Why, Mom? Harriette Winslow: Yeah. Carl Otis Winslow: Yes, Harriette! Carl Otis Winslow: Out for a walk around the block. Steve Urkel: [Runs across the couch to get away] Fine, fine, fine! Don't mess with Mrs.Bonecrusher! How much will that cost me? Harriette Winslow: Oh no no no. I'm Stefan sweet thing. Carl Otis Winslow: [Grabs his wallet] How much do you need? Then he unfolds it] Well Tell me again. Steve Urkel: Oh, Gosh golly, Jeepers Creepers. Carl Otis Winslow: Laura, what's going on in here? Steve Urkel: Well, because it's different. Carl Otis Winslow: [packing up the camping gear] Boy that was great, a family weekend in the wilderness. It can't explode or anything? You're late for class. Steve pits eight guys against each other in the battle for the best pickup lines. You dumped one of my relatives in a Hefty bag. But you know what, I find her very attractive. Steve Urkel: [Climbs over the balcony and falls] Oh! Sure, it may cover your hiney, but if you make a habit of it, you've got a serious problem. Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Laura: Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met! You're grounded for two weeks and you are to stay away from my car until it learns self-defense. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl, you lazy slug! [He leaves the house]. Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, I just feel so helpless! [Goes to feel his head]. Steve Urkel: [drinking spiked punch] What is this? You refuse to go out with me for the last decade! But Waldo messed up and put the wrong date on the flyers. Richie Crawford: We're going to play with these toys for 30 days and return them, like Uncle Carl's going to do with his peanut helmet. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Serious. "Tomorrow, Dad!" For that matter why isn't everybody? This is amazing! This has never happened before. Carl: 3, 2, 1 1, 2, 3 What the heck is bothering me? Oh, I see. I wanna read it to my mom. What about it, Steve. Carl: [Urkel Voice] In the meantime, I have to break the news to Harriette. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Oh they love the new me. Steve Urkel: [Talking to Eddie and his girlfriend] You heard her, you're all witnesses. I've decided to retire from the theatre arts department. Why, a few sessions on the Muscle Master and you'll be drooling over my deltoids.